Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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