Swine flu. Run for my life!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
