this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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