There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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