I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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