saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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