yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
false alarm, still single
Randomize