didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
