just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i drank out of a bidet.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize