either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
