I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
