...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
