I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
