So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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