I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
What happened to fro yo and sex?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
