The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
