i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
