i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
