when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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