can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
