weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
