so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize