Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
