I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
