I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
