your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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