My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
