Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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