Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
