weddingsv make me drug and hornr
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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