Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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