when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
