he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
