I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
