Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
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