do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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