i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
