Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
