He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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