At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize