Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Your dad touched me again.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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