he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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