so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
