Your tits are I can't wait for
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
