I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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