508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
