i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
