Got a toothbrush?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
