Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
