from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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