Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
