as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
