Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just blew my weed a kiss
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
