The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Randomize