I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
