Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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