hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
