I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
