I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
