if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
