he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
