Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
