omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
