I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
