Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
