I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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