Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
